Yesterday I went to the zoo. Not just any zoo, but the
amazing NC Zoological Park which is more like an amusement park of animal
attractions. It takes about 5 hours to cover the park.
At one point I was at a high overlook, viewing the vast
grasslands of the rhinoceroses when I witnessed the following exchange between
a presumed father and his toddler son:*
Father: Look at the rhinoceros. See the rhinoceros?
Child: (with excitement in his voice) Truck!
Child: (with excitement in his voice) Truck!
(There was a pickup truck passing
in the distance on the service road, surely unnoticed and unremarkable to any
of the adults present.)
Father: You can see a truck anytime. We didn’t come here to look at trucks. We came to look at animals.
Father: You can see a truck anytime. We didn’t come here to look at trucks. We came to look at animals.
This conversation disturbed me and stayed with me even after
I returned home, so I write this letter to that daddy and to all other adults
who have lost touch with the wonder and simplicity of a child.
Dear Father,
As adults we have become tainted. We have seen the world and
have grown bored with it, always seeking new stimulation, new experiences, new
adventures, and we have bought into the misconception that to buy our children
such constant adventure will surely make them happy children. The zoo is indeed
a wonderful place for children, if given in child-size bites and through the
eyes and energy of the child; but when tainted with the adult mindset of “I
paid money to get you in here, and we’re going to get the most of that money,”
the child is destined to become tired, frustrated , and emotionally out of
control long before the adult has gotten his money’s worth.
In the eyes of a child, the everyday world is filled with
awe and wonder, new things to see and analyze, new sights to process. What the
child needs, wants, and appreciates most is your intimacy, your love, spending
time with him at his level. Too much outside stimulation is overwhelming. Your son
was not captured at that moment by the distant rhinos, but, amidst the
over-stimulating new environment, he spotted something familiar to him, a
truck, and it made him happy. What if you had stopped there with him and said “Yes,
truck! That looks a little like Uncle Bob’s truck, doesn’t it?,” and let the
child take the lead. He will let you know when one of the animals captivates
his attention and his awe, just as he will let you know when he is too hot and
tired to enjoy any more exhibits.
Was the zoo trip really for the child, or was it for you? I
suspect that in your mind it was all for the child. Yet you were the only one
to decide what he was allowed to enjoy. In your adult mind, this trip was for animals, not trucks.
You are not alone. Even in my zoo path, I encountered
another similar exchange, this one between a mother and a maybe nine-year-old
daughter. Walking by a quite impressive playground, with a rope-built suspended walkway, which captivated even my awe,
the child asked to walk across it. The mother though, intent on moving on to
the next animal exhibit, responded with “Why do you want to do that? So you
walk across it – So what?” Oh, my heart hurt for the child and for the mother
who missed the simple request of the child she no doubt wanted to make
happy. I wanted to ask the mother, “So you
see the polar bear exhibit – So what?” Is there really anything inherently
superior about our adult agendas, especially when the goal of the entire day
was to give the children happiness?
We all lose that wonder at times, but we can get it back. We
can restore it by sitting on the floor with our children as they play, and
playing with them at their invitation in their way, letting them take the lead.
Even if we would rather play with some other toy, we will go with the simple
truck or with whatever he chooses to hand to us. Or we can walk around the
yard with him and stop to look with him at whatever small wonder catches his
attention – a bug, a neighbor’s old tractor, a pine cone – even if we have
forgotten the wonder that it holds.
Children are untainted, precious, and naturally full of awe,
but they must process the world at their own pace, which they will share with
us if we let them.
*I didn’t know until I got home and was looking at my photos,
but I actually captured the truck scene. You can see the truck near the upper
right corner of the above photo.
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4 comments:
Beautiful Kathy!
Thank you, Joyce! I love hearing from you!
This made me cry. I was that parent. Several instances came to my mind, and yes, it was all about "getting my money's worth". We can joke about it now that my kids are older, thank God, but it hurts my heart wishing I would have been different. Hopefully I'll be a better grandparent. :)
Kellbell, I think this is about all of us at some point, and yes, we all seem to make much better grandparents! It's the 24/7 schedule that tires our vision.
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