Monday, March 16, 2020

B155. Coronavirus: Emotional Care Across Social Distance



Across our nation and beyond, the coronavirus “curve flattening” measures are detrimentally
affecting many of our older adults who don’t understand the seriousness of the threat. These
are nursing home residents who don’t understand the no visitors rule for their protection. They are people recently hospitalized for trauma or illness unrelated to the coronavirus who also cannot understand the isolation restrictions. They are the salt-of-the earth rural church attenders who find comfort and sensibility In their preachers’ insistence that all they need to be concerned about is being in church and trusting God.


This pastoral advice to avoid panic is wise advice, but we also need a healthy balance of fear, fear based on the scientific and mathematical potential of this pandemic. We are living in an unprecedented moment, a moment that may well become a defining moment of our history. The world has changed so much in the past two weeks that none of us knows quite how to process it or what to expect from here, except that it seems likely things will be worse before better.


Are the leaders calling for social isolation considering the domino effect of devastating loss of
revenue to local businesses and restaurants? Seemingly unending cancellations, postpone-
ments, and closures have meant great stress to those having to make such calls. How much money has Disney lost in closing its parks, and the sports leagues in cancelling their seasons? Were these decisions made lightly without consideration also of the waves of disappointment from ticket holders and from families with hotel reservations and happy plans?


And the churches and organizations that have cancelled all their services, meetings, and events
until further notice? They too will lose needed income, as well as funds already spent for events
that now won’t happen, and they too will disappoint many. Did they make these decisions lightly
without considering the predictable consequences? And the widespread school closings. Did those decision-makers consider the many families with no childcare, or the many students
who depend on schools for their food? Yes, I think they did, and the decisions were heart-wrenchingly difficult. Every single one.


These are confusing times for all of us, but more so for those who are not hearing real expla-
nations they can understand, or worse, those being intentionally or unintentionally misinformed.
Besides that the lack of factual information might be putting them in physical danger, it is also
damaging them psychologically and emotionally. Their own children and grandchildren are
“social distancing” from them, and they, as they continue all their regular church, shopping, and
visiting activities, are feeling unloved, forgotten, and unimportant. Their own world has changed little, so they can’t understand why they are being abandoned. This in itself is detrimental, but we can help.

First, pastors and others who have a voice of power, acknowledge to your congregations/
groups that you don't really understand all that's going on. Avoid feeding them hoax stories, and avoid oversimplified "God is in control" messages. While "God is in control," you and those under your guidance also have some control that could save both dignity and lives. Cancel your gatherings, even if you just preached a sermon against such cancellation. Humility is a Christian virtue. “Maybe I was wrong. God is indeed in control, but I really don’t understand everything” is a good start. Yes, you will lose some needed income. Perhaps that's where the trust in God comes in. Do not further divide your flock from their family members who are trying to “social distance” for everyone’s protection. Do not take your position of power lightly. Your word is often taken as God’s, which is both privilege and enormous responsibility.

Second, for those of us who are "social isolating": Stay intentionally connected to those who are listening to other voices. They are confused by all that's happening, and they don't understand how a virus that hasn’t yet affected anyone they know could keep their own families from wanting to visit them. Explain, yes, gently, but realize that your one-voice-in-many will not be enough to give them peace. Call them more often than usual, to check on them and just to talk and listen. Facetime if they have that access.

None of us knows the end of this story. We never do while we’re living through it. Fortunately
though, even from a distance, we can offer our loved ones the peace and assurance of our love. Social Distancing has given us more free time. Can we intentionally give a little more of it to the emotional well-being of those we love?




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