B205. Why Be Proud of Jason Collins? (updated)

On May 12, brain cancer took the life of Jason Collins at age 47. Thirteen years earlier he was the cover story of the May 6, 2013 edition of Sports Illustrated, for being the first active NBA player to come out as gay. At that time, he had played for six teams over twelve seasons and was a former first round pick, but this announcement would redefine his name to the nation. There was anger at all the publicity, with loud voices shouting that being gay was nothing to be proud of. Indeed, it is not.


Being gay or straight, black or white, male or female, left-handed or right-handed, blue-eyed or brown-eyed, is no reason for anyone to be proud. We are what we are.


Unlike being blue-eyed or brown-eyed, however, being gay carries a stigma, a judgment, an often unbearable burden. Being gay means keeping quiet when others are sharing about their spouses or their dates or joking around in the locker room, because to share one’s own stories would stop all conversation. Being gay means closing oneself off from potential friendships because, once the "friend" learns that the gay person is gay, rejection is more the rule than the exception. Being gay means knowing that to be open about one’s orientation is to invite the world to cave in around them. To lose a job, to lose the love and support of family, to be accused by one’s religious community of being outside of God’s grace.


But despite the misguided judgment that some religious groups continue to pass down, people do not choose to be gay or straight. LGBT people have been a part of every civilization and every time period in history, without geographical, racial, or religious boundaries. LGBT people are in every work environment, in every sport, in every family, hiding and fearing rejection. But for LGBT people to live their entire lives in fear means the next generation will live with those fears too, and the next, and the next. Someone has to break the cycle.


It is for those future generations, as well as simply for a desire to remove one's own prison walls, that some of the most courageous LGBT people choose to “come out,” because they know for certain what others can only talk about on a “they” basis. And if future generations are going to have a better chance at life, LGBT people know they must courageously tell their stories. Many never do. The risk is too great.


But Jason Collins did, while he was playing in the NBA, while he had everything to lose. Jason Collins is a hero to every LGBT person, present and future, and to every person who loves someone who is LGBT. To every young person whose family has rejected them, to every young person who is struggling with self-acceptance in a world that seems unable to understand, to every precious human being who has contemplated taking their own life to escape facing a lifetime of rejection, Jason is a hero.


We are not proud of Jason Collins for being gay. We are proud of Jason Collins for being courageous enough to put his own life on the line in the hopes of making tomorrow just a little better for someone else. Isn't that the real definition of a hero? Rest in peace, Jason. Your life made a difference.

This blog post is an update to B66.

B122. NC: The Pioneer in Bigotry

She was one of my best friends in the early years of elementary school. Those years were difficult for her though, because she was so different from the rest of us girls. There was nothing about her that looked like a boy, but it was obvious to everyone, including those who called her hurtful names, that she was a boy at heart. She always played with the boys at recess, and they accepted her as one of them; and she was just naturally boyish in ways that no one could have ever taught her.

I remember the day she confided something very personal to me. Her parents, who happened to be very devout Baptists, had talked with a doctor and then with her about the possibility of having sex reassignment surgery. They told her the decision was up to her, and ultimately she chose against it. I remember thinking even at that young age that that was too personal to be sharing with me or anyone else. I shared it with my parents, whose reaction was sympathetic and similar to mine, and I never told anyone else.

An editorial in The New York Times  this week labeled NC a “pioneer in bigotry,” following the actions of our state legislature this week. Indeed it seems we have reached a new low, not only for NC, but for the entire nation. No state has ever passed legislation that discriminates in this way, and not only does it discriminate, but it specifically forbids cities and towns within the state to make their own non-discriminatory laws.

Now the fallout has already begun, with large corporations and institutions speaking out against the action and announcing publicly that they will continue their own non-discriminatory policies, and outside agencies, including the NBA and film makers, threatening to exclude NC from future tournaments, movies, etc. I predict also a lawsuit is not far away, along with further embarrassing press about our divided state. I’m pretty sure this week’s ruling is not the final chapter of this story.

Still, we, the people of NC (and those across the nation who are watching us), need to talk. According to a still active poll by Charlotte’s WSOC-TV, asking only whether one agrees with the legislation or thinks it went too far, with over 3000 responders, the results are close to 50/50, likely divided along political lines, which is what keeps us disagreeing so adamantly about almost any issue that comes up. I think we are better than this, and smarter if we had legitimate information not meant to manipulate and use us.

If you miss everything else I’m saying here, please hear this: this legislation is not about bathrooms. The bathroom issue is real, but there are some fairly easy answers that could satisfy everyone, if that were what they were seeking. (See my previous blog.) This week’s actions are just another episode in a political game that's feeding on the ignorance and fears of us, the voting public. These politicians have learned there are several tricks to keeping their constituents where they want them, and these two are among are the most dependable: 1. pretend it’s somehow related to Christianity, and/or 2.  convince the people they need to be afraid of something. Most often it seems they combine the two.

Transgender people have existed forever, but, like in the case of my childhood friend, it’s a very personal issue, not one that’s often announced to those outside one’s most inner circle. Some have surgery as children and go into puberty and adulthood with the physical bodies that will become the only gender their adult acquaintances will ever know, with no question. Others choose that difficult transition in adulthood.  Still others choose to live their lives as the opposite of their physical anatomy without ever having the surgery. Surely they will have to have that conversation with a potential future life partner, but not with co-workers or casual friends. History tells us of many women who lived their lives as men so they could fight in wars, or attend college, or publish a book . . . Others might dress as the opposite gender, either regularly or occasionally, but continue to identify themselves with their physical gender.

Because the transgender issue is of such a private nature, it is no surprise that most of us, myself included, know so little about it, even to the point of thinking it only exists in one or two celebrity cases like Caitlyn Jenner; and it doesn’t help if the sources from which we get our news are associated with the political machine that wants to leave us frightened.

Because I have in recent years met some transgender people, including a few students who have privately asked me at the beginning of the semester to please refer to them as he, or she, or neither, I have made it one of my many goals to become more informed on the subject. I still do not really get it, but I do get that transgender people are no more predatory or dangerous than the rest of us, and that their lives have been difficult enough without our prejudicial treatment or legislation. I have also come to realize that I likely know several other transgender people, as do you, about whom I am (and should be) clueless.

I tell my students that ignorance simply means we don’t know, and all of us are ignorant about everything until we learn better. There is no shame in not knowing, but there is shame in choosing to remain ignorant while we speak out against something, especially something that discriminates against other human beings.

Here is a good rule of thumb in political and religious controversy: If it singles out a group of people as inferior to you, or less valuable to God, think twice, and ask yourself if your fears are coming from a biased news source or from a friend or relative who listens to such a source, and then seek to balance it with what the other side is saying, or better yet, if you claim Christianity, how does it measure up to Jesus’ example and teachings of unity, inclusiveness, and love for our neighbor? Politics is making us a more and more divided state and nation, but I can’t help but believe that we are better than this.